~

10:01pmJing
how tall are you/
10:01pmJames
tats a weird question lol
im 5;7
ya im short lol
10:02pmJing
I think you are as tall as Alexia
she is pretty tall
i think
10:02pmJames
lol
i think shes 5'8 or 5'9
shes lik an inch or 2 toller
10:03pmJing
I just grow a little bit
-_-
10:04pmJames
cool
10:04pmJing
but still short
like a peanut
do you want a gift? i found one for free, it is like CD
10:06pmJames
no thank u
10:06pmJing
where did you do your poem explication?
10:07pmJames
no it was for homework
10:08pmJing
for what class
10:09pmJames
english
10:09pmJing
cool
10:10pmJing
I have attend a party in Cloud, the teens did poem there, they were pretty cool
it is call Spok word
10:12pmJames is offline.
10:19pmYou are not online.

Jing
what kind of girl do you like?
7:10pmJames
outgoing
spontaneous
7:10pmJing
o that is what I thought
7:11pmJames
smart, funny, sexy, maybe a girl tats around my height
7:11pmJing
cool
7:11pmJames
dont take it to personal, im a really picky person
when it comes to women
7:12pmJing
yes
7:12pmJames
a lot of girls use to like me some even tried to follow me home, but i broke their hearts, because i dont want them to waste their time
7:12pmJing
haha:)
you are attractful
7:12pm
James commented on Sophia Mei's note urban dictionaryyy.
7:13pmJing
you seems like a stright person
7:13pmJames
i kno but im blunt like straight forward and a lot of people think im mean because of that
7:13pmJing
you are so funny
how come?
whatever I start to like you more then your face.
I mean admire
7:15pmJames
because i am to staright forward sometimes i say things people dont like
7:16pmJing
but when they know the reason, they just understand
I did
7:16pmJames
for example my friend asked me how did she look in her new jeans and i said horrible and then she thought i was mean
im just honest, but some ppl dont lik tat
7:16pmJing
I love honest people
That means " I love you" haha
kidding
7:21pmJing
I want to be a stright person, but some times I don't know how to do it
7:22pmJames
its lik art
7:22pmJing
how?
7:22pmJames
its all through ur feelings
7:22pmJing
you know a lot about art?
yeah, art is just natural
I just figuer out this afternoon
7:24pmJames
no
i dont tkno tat much
im creative, but im more ambitious in making money
7:25pmJing
so..what kind of "crappy" college are you applying?
7:25pmJames
r u in highschool?
7:25pmJing
yeah
7:25pmJames
BLS?
7:25pmJing
?
7:26pmJames
boston latin?
7:26pmJing
no
7:26pmJames
which?
7:26pmJing
did you think I was?
7:26pmJames
ya
7:26pmJing
why?
7:26pmJames
cause i remembered that some of ur friends tat came durin the end of the performance art program was from Boston latin
7:26pmJing
I am a new comer in the us
she is
you remember that?
we were in the dance workshop
7:28pmJames
ya
i lik observing things
but ya im applyin to 9 colleges
7:28pmJing
me too
I like observing things,too
but sometimes i was over sensitive
kind of fool
7:29pmJames
Boston college,Suffolk, Boston university, Brandeis,Clark university, hampshire college, Umass amherst, Bridgewater and NOrtheastern university
7:29pmJing
those are great colleges
7:32pmJames
lol no
7:32pmJing
what are you going to study?
7:32pmJames
if they are not my dream colleges than they are good colelges
iono
7:33pmJing
?
it takes some time for me to understand the way you write
7:34pmJames
iono=i dont know
but i have 2 go
i hav a lot of homework
7:34pmJing
ok
7:34pmJames
bye
7:34pmJing
thank you
88
7:36pm

皮痒

屡教不改, 不听劝导, 乱七八糟, 那就是我了, 那就是皮痒欠抽的我. 如果我有分身术, 我就暴打自己一顿, 都讲不听的.

态度

Andrea 在那边很high的鼓励我, 说我完成的很好. 我却很平静. 因为以我现在的等级, 我觉得别人的称赞多半是给我的鼓励, 让我觉得有点心酸, 所以表情很平静. 这也是不礼貌的行为.
对于别人的鼓励, 我应该随声附和, 这才是一个初学者该有的姿态. 别人的鼓励更应该接受, 否则那不就很没礼貌?! 因为我还并没有很优秀, 尽管我希望得到的是景仰与崇拜, 但我现在还不是.

相比之下, 鼓励应该比仰慕珍贵吧!~ 鼓励是一种关怀与爱; 仰慕, 是相距太远的遥望与赞叹. 当还被鼓励的时候, 说明还有进步的空间; 也许被仰慕的时候, 我会真的失去方向!~

狠狠爱

跟James的认识, 是在Performance Art Workshop, 我们在一起相处了三个星期, 其实只有六天. It's no way that I was going to fall for him for such a short time. 开始我并不喜欢他, but later I did. 不知道出于什么原因, 我喜欢他了. 从去年的夏天到现在.
自从workshop结束之后, 我再也找不到他. 直到现在我也没再见到过他. 对他的印象定格在他在街角的回眸.
前不久在facebook 上找到他, 我决定要告诉他, 我想要告诉他.
"Can I date you?"
在当天, 我得到了答复, 一个让我措手不及的答复, 一个让我瞬间窒息的答复.
"I am sorry but I am not interested in you. I am interested in another girl or maybe girls."
在新年的前夕, 我就这样被拒绝了.
开始与结束, 只在呼吸之间. 那么直接, 那么突然.
我的第一次表白......
自卑感在一瞬间袭来. 我不知道接下来怎么办, 没遇到这样的情况, 手足无措. 但心里是难过的. 原来被拒绝, 是这样子的.
我决定告诉我的老师, 她知道这个事情, 她也许可以给我一些意见.
Jing: "I was rejusted by James!~"
Alexia:" He rejusted you? How?"
Jing:" He said '......' He was so direct!"
Alexia:"That's ok- I know it's hard, but it's better to know where you stand, right? Don't worry!
You'll find someone.
Jing:" I don't dare to any more. That's painful."
Alexia:"Don't take it personally:) it's all about things happening at the right time."
这番劝导打动了我. 也许真的应该这样吧. 对的事情要发生在对的时间.

经历了这次, 我也反省过了, 意识到以往的行为是多么不能让人理解. 明明有喜欢人家, 却装作毫不在乎, 有时甚至让别人难堪, 装着清高, 态度那么不友好, 那么不真诚, 想想都觉得惭愧, 对过往的自己, 不感面对和正视自己的情感, 感到深深的愧疚和羞耻. 这就是报应吧!

刚得知这个答复之后, 我开始对自己不确定了. 我想应该是我自己的错吧, 是我不够好, 所以他才不接受我. 我什么都不如人家. Passion sinked to the bottom of my heart. 会觉得很自卑, 觉得都是自己的不对.
在他的回复后面, 我不敢再回复, 觉得自己应该退开了, 应该认命了, 应该隐到不被他看到的角落, 默默的承受. 可是心里面真的是这样觉得吗? 为什么受到伤害还要隐藏, 要怎样装可怜? 我需要这样的同情? I am not going to fool myself any more. 我需要让他知道我的感受, 即使不被接受, 我希望我可以坦然的面对.
"I am sorry to say this, you may going to hate me. I like you!~ Even though you say no, I like you James, I like you! I just let you know that I like you!"
我这是粘人的吗? 我没有, 我只想让他知道, 即使不被接受, 我也想让他知道. 他有不喜欢我的自由, 但他不能阻止我喜欢他. 因为那是我的自由.
如果这是Game, 那么我赢了. 我没有再懦弱的退缩,或自暴自弃, 我不再犹豫, 不再伤感, 不再装深沉, 不再扮郁闷. 我不再怀疑自己. 他不接受我也许也是我不够好, 但依旧有喜欢我的朋友, 还有我的老师, 说明我并不差劲. 我也知道了我还应该不断地提高自己. 我这是成长的表现吧!~

以前总是自恋的觉得别人在暗恋我(现在说出来真是有些难为情), 自己也没有多优秀. 对别人的问候也总是不理会, 自视清高, 装做不在乎, 我是疯子. 这样真的很没礼貌!~
我想要说 , 我要用真诚对待自己的每一份感情, 微笑接纳每个与我生命有交集的人.